Veggie wraps make me cry. Okay, not just any veggie wrap, specifically Au Bon Pain's Mediterranean wrap. My work travels often bring me to the train station in Washington D.C.. On my way home I always look for something quick to grab for dinner for the ride home. Invariably, I find myself circling the refrigerator section, telling myself, this time, I will grab my one-time favorite Mediterranean wrap...and invariably...I find myself tearing up even looking at the sandwich. I'm pretty sure on more than one occasion, other passengers bustling through the station have noticed. You see some pretty crazy things at the train station...so I suppose they chalk it up to just another crazy crying over sandwiches.
It's amazing how the tiniest thing can you take you back so quickly, to an exact feeling, an exact moment in time. The night we had Timothy, I found myself at midnight, with my husband quietly asleep in the hospital bed next to me, trying over tears to eat my Mediterranean veggie wrap. It's the Italian in me I suppose, running to food for comfort. I don't think I made it much beyond two bites.
So...two years later...I am still not able to eat my favorite sandwich. It's just a reminder, that at any moment, you may never know what will set you off. It's the "new normal" that I knew one day would become my life when we first heard Timothy's diagnosis.
Timothy's life changed so many things in my life...my new normal has a new perspective. It's knowing not to sweat the small stuff...it's appreciating the beauty of life, the miracle of a healthy baby, the blessing of children...it's being not afraid to share your story, and not afraid to stand up for what you believe in. It's feeling 100% confident that God works all things for the good of those who love Him.
And with that new perspective...I guess it's time that I should start looking for a new favorite sandwich...
:)
:) I love you Holly!
ReplyDeleteOh Holly...God is preparing the biggest veggie wrap ever for you in heaven!
ReplyDeleteLove you Lids!
I don't know u at all but ur story is so amazing.ur a very strong woman.& even though I've never met u these stories bring tears to my eyes but so muchjoy to my heart!Bc i can truely feel ur love & also ur pain.I am truely sorry for ur loss but even though I resize its been a very hard road to recover from a loss of such as ur own child. U hv certainly. Put how very precious life is & to b thankful every single day that u hv on this earth.That one day a home a home a forever home awaites us if we love & trust in our heavenly father of all father's.I am so happy that God has truely helped u deal with all of this to the very best that possibly can & even though still as u & ur family move forward u hv been able to keep his love so alive in each of u.& hv found peace to b able to live happy with him still in y'alls hearts.my prayers will b with u & ur family.& with each passing day r min r yrs yrs.just remember that y'all will sum day meet again.& that they r ppl out here that has read ur story. That may choose not to comment but that r praying for u & ur family every day! U I can tell r a very devoted mother& my dad always says to me... when I ask him why??? Did God hv to take a child home so early in it's life? He says that only God knows wats around the corners for each & every one of us... & that mayb babies r called home early bc of certain things they may hv to go through & he don't want the baby having to go through the pain r the family to either.r mayb he need him as u mentioned to help him prepare heavens for all the ppl to come home. But even thoughwe don't understand the reasons for stuff like this God knows.&he most certainly didn't do it bc he knew u wasn't going to take care r love him bc I can tell ur a wonderful mom.but for watever the reasons r we r not at liberty to question r even really know God's reasons we just hv to belive that for WAT ever reasons ur son is in God's hands & he's happy bc he really didn't hv the time to know really who r even way family meant r a mom & a dad was. But u r truely a very blessed woman u got a loving family still & they all can't ever replace way u hv lost.but they can fill the emptiness. They love that ur family has for all this will always live on thro7gh u & them & until all of Y'ALL meet again. I am sure. U will b filled a with a abundance of love from the ones u love while here on earth. But I am truely so sorry.luv u through God we pray Amen!
ReplyDeleteI came across your blog post and read a couple of your entries. They really resonated with my heart. We just lost our sweet Lily Grace, our first daughter and only child, to anencephaly on 12-28-22 and it has been a tough time. Like you, there is a sandwich that takes me back, but for me it’s only to jimmy johns veggies sandwich during pregnancy. Unfortunately we didn’t get to meet Lily after delivery (I was induced at 37 weeks). My hope that I cling to is being reunited with her in heaven in the presence of God. I am encouraged and touched by the way you continue to honor your son, and it makes me happy to know Lily is in heaven with him. Best, Trisha
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